Baby Blues

I really don't know what this term means. I am always crying and feeling sad and scared. Is this the baby blues? My parents expressed they will not help me during the 30-day period after the birth. My parents sent me two after birth care facility's urls. Unfortunately the content is in Chinese. I can read it but I am unable to digest the information. I asked them for help but they said I can read and I have to figure it out. This is like me reading Spanish but with no comprehension. Just because I can read and make the sounds, it doesn't mean I understand the content.

Unfortunately grandparents can't or don't want to help to take care of the baby. I have to find a good day care place before going back to work. Ken is willing to take care of him but I really think he can use the time to do his things. I am just puzzled why grandparents who have complained about having nothing to do after being retired and wanted us to have kids and when it's time to call for their help and they don't want to step up. I feel quite unsupported. I feel like I am drifting in an ocean not knowing what my next step is.

This weekend I spent two days in the Babies R Us store registering. It's a nightmare. This experience left me in shock how behind and uneducated I am with babies. It's like going into Home Depot looking for parts to build a house. I have no clue... I did bump into nice folks in the store and people went out of their ways to show me things I absolute need and should get. The registration list is so long and scary. I doubt I even know how to use half of the stuff on it. I am scared...

This evening mom-in-law treated me with a massage appointment. It was my first massage ever. I was told I don't know how to relax. I had to concentrate really, really hard to foucs on "relaxing". It was an amazing experience. I enjoyed it. It had the anit-gravity feel after the massage was completed. I may go again...but it was really expensive. With the baby coming, I just need to cowboy up and stop bitching and suck up the pain. Millions of women did it without massages. I certainly should save the money so I can get the things I need for the baby... This reminds me, I went to a yard sale this weekend and saw an used crib for $85. I thought about getting it but I wanted to go home check on it's safety rating online. On the way home I had to pick Noah from the vet. Vet presented me with a bill for $530. I bursted into tears right away. I was tring to make the money stretch by buying an used crib and the dam cat's vet bill is the price for a top of the line brand new crib. Needless to say Ken and I had a huge fight.